RATING: 3 1/2 BANANAS
GIVE A MONKEY A REVIEW SITE... Random reviews of the highfalutin to the mind polluting
Saturday, October 3, 2015
11 BLOCKS (2015)
FINAL VERDICT:
ROAD HARD (2015)
FINAL VERDICT:
3 BANANAS
CAROLLA GIVES AN HONEST AND HEARTFELT PERFORMANCE. AT TURNS MELANCHOLY AND FUNNY WITH A GREAT SUPPORTING CAST.
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Sunday, August 5, 2012
NEVER BACK DOWN [2008]
I suspect that sometime in the near future the old adage- "Give a monkey a typewriter and...." will actually happen. Studio executives tired of dealing with the diva whims of writers and directors will find a group of trained chimps and force them to crank out a film. I also suspect that the resulting film will show more imagination than the 110 minute waste of your life that is "Never Back Down". Originally titled "Get Some", I guess the producers thought that was too trite so the much more original "Never Back Down" was chosen instead. This being the best title they could settle on should be the first clue as to the money grubbing generic trash level this film is willing to sink to sucker the public. It's as if the old cartoon character Wile E. Coyote pulled an "ACME Underdog Movie" out of a box and threw it in the multiplexes.
Hastily thrown together to cash in on the current soaring popularity of Ultimate Fighting and Mixed Martial Arts spectacles, "Never Back Down" is not only witless and formulaic but inherently reckless and dangerous for its target teen audience. Emphasizing brawn over brain it glorifies violence and panders to the worst primal impulses of testosterone filled teens with not even a whit of a moral lesson.
Peppered with a cast of bland pretty boys and girls culled from TV soapers such as "The O.C." and "Hidden Palms", "Never Back Down" spins the tired tale of troubled teen Jake Tyler (Tom Cruise impersonator Sean Faris) who relocates to a high school in Orlando where seemingly everyone has perfect teeth and lives in mansions. On his very first day he stumbles on an underground fight club led by cocky stud Ryan McCarthy (smirky Cam Gigandet) who surprisingly has not a single scar or bruise on his perfect face and body. Catching the eye of blonde babydoll Baja Miller (a stupefyinly wooden Amber Heard) who happens to be Ryan's girlfriend, Jake is lured into a bare knuckle fight with Ryan to test his mettle. Of course he is beaten silly by the superior skilled Ryan and skulks home to nurse his wounds. Baja (groan) takes a shine to Jake and the inevitable showdown is just around the corner.
Before the requisite fight can occur however, Jake is taken by his goofy new bud Evan Peters (a mildly amusing Max Cooperman) to a local gym (how convienent) run by intense martial arts master (there's one in every town) Jean Roqua (a sweaty and paycheck grabbing Djimon Hounsou). There, with slo-mo sequences and stirring emo songs on the soundtrack, Jake is made a better person and a lean mean butt-kicking machine. Never back down, Jake, never back down!
Unfortunately, our young Jake decides to not participate in the big tournament at the local rave club where every year amateur warriors throw down. He will not use his kung-fu for evil. However, after bad boy Ryan beats the Ritalin out of nerdy BFF Evan and puts him in the hospital, Jake goes all Rocky and heads into the fray with a weepy Baja (groan) in tow. You'll never guess what transpires.
The paint by numbers script is written by a certain monkey named Chris Hauty who is quite well versed with "dog" movies as he previously penned "Homeward Bound II-Lost In San Francisco".
The directing honors go to robot Jeff Wadlow who gave the world the equally hackneyed teen slasher "Cry Wolf".
FINAL VERDICT:
NO BANANAS
IRRESPONSIBLE GARBAGE. CLICHED TRIPE ON BURNT TOAST. AVOID!
MY BEST FRIEND [2006]
No matter how humble we purport to be, we secretly would like to think that upon our death many friends would attend our funeral, bemoaning our passing and extolling our virtues. Musing aloud at a dinner party about the exact number of pals that would come to honor his trip to the pearly gates, smug antiques dealer Francois is swiftly informed by his gathered "friends" that the number would be exactly zero. He soon realizes that this is no joke, in fact the group truthfully admits that they are simply "business contacts" and by no means real "friends" and in reality can't stand him. Even his long-time business partner Catherine has to confess he's really not a likeable person and chides him about having even one best friend. His ego bruised, an outraged Francois bets Catherine a very expensive piece of ancient art that in ten days he will produce this "best friend" to prove to all he isn't friendless. Thus the stage is set for the witty and delightful French comedy Mon Meilleur Ami (My Best Friend).
Francois (the great Daniel Auteuil in a wonderfully stuffy performance) has spent the better part of his life putting business ahead of intimacy, to the detriment of even his relationship with his own wife and daughter. They accept him but can't feel close to him. He is self-centered and oblivious to his basic repugnance. He's clueless and in need of some serious counsel on his sobering quest for a best bud.
Meanwhile Bruno (a scene stealing Danny Boon) an eternally cheerful taxi-driver is having some friend issues of his own. Big-eared and big-hearted Bruno dreams of being on Who Wants To Be Millionaire and is a walking encyclopedia of facts that would put even Jeopardy wunderkind Ken Jennings to shame. The trouble is when actually auditioning for quiz shows he suffers overwhelming panic attacks. So he whiles away the hours annoying his passengers with endless fountains of trivia. It's his awkward way of being sociable, but it tends to make people want to get as far away from him as possible.
Through chance Bruno and Francois come together. Francois mistakenly sees Bruno as the "sociable" person he needs to be and hires him as a teacher. Surely the easy going, fast talking Bruno is the perfect business acquisition to help him win his bet. Bruno desperate for attention sees Francois as a chance to have a true best friend. Of course the arrangement doesn't go exactly as planned and the dynamic between Bruno and Francois is the source of much hilarity.
Deftly directed by Patrice Leconte, who has been quietly turning out understated little masterpieces for over thirty years from Monsieur Hire to the more recent Man On The Train and Intimate Strangers, My Best Friend is heartwarming without being cloying. And in the teaming of Boon and Auteuil, previously seen together in The Valet, Leconte has found the perfect team for his subtle humane brand of humor. In fact their easy chemistry together has not been seen in French cinema since the iconic teaming of Gerard Depardieu and Patrick Dewaere in such classics as Going Places and Get Out Your Handkerchiefs.
RATING: 3 1/2 BANANAS
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