FINAL VERDICT: CAN'T WAIT, CAN'T WAIT, CAN'T WAIT!!!!
GIVE A MONKEY A REVIEW SITE... Random reviews of the highfalutin to the mind polluting
Saturday, October 10, 2015
Saturday, October 3, 2015
11 BLOCKS (2015)
FINAL VERDICT:
ROAD HARD (2015)
FINAL VERDICT:
3 BANANAS
CAROLLA GIVES AN HONEST AND HEARTFELT PERFORMANCE. AT TURNS MELANCHOLY AND FUNNY WITH A GREAT SUPPORTING CAST.
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Sunday, August 5, 2012
NEVER BACK DOWN [2008]
I suspect that sometime in the near future the old adage- "Give a monkey a typewriter and...." will actually happen. Studio executives tired of dealing with the diva whims of writers and directors will find a group of trained chimps and force them to crank out a film. I also suspect that the resulting film will show more imagination than the 110 minute waste of your life that is "Never Back Down". Originally titled "Get Some", I guess the producers thought that was too trite so the much more original "Never Back Down" was chosen instead. This being the best title they could settle on should be the first clue as to the money grubbing generic trash level this film is willing to sink to sucker the public. It's as if the old cartoon character Wile E. Coyote pulled an "ACME Underdog Movie" out of a box and threw it in the multiplexes.
Hastily thrown together to cash in on the current soaring popularity of Ultimate Fighting and Mixed Martial Arts spectacles, "Never Back Down" is not only witless and formulaic but inherently reckless and dangerous for its target teen audience. Emphasizing brawn over brain it glorifies violence and panders to the worst primal impulses of testosterone filled teens with not even a whit of a moral lesson.
Peppered with a cast of bland pretty boys and girls culled from TV soapers such as "The O.C." and "Hidden Palms", "Never Back Down" spins the tired tale of troubled teen Jake Tyler (Tom Cruise impersonator Sean Faris) who relocates to a high school in Orlando where seemingly everyone has perfect teeth and lives in mansions. On his very first day he stumbles on an underground fight club led by cocky stud Ryan McCarthy (smirky Cam Gigandet) who surprisingly has not a single scar or bruise on his perfect face and body. Catching the eye of blonde babydoll Baja Miller (a stupefyinly wooden Amber Heard) who happens to be Ryan's girlfriend, Jake is lured into a bare knuckle fight with Ryan to test his mettle. Of course he is beaten silly by the superior skilled Ryan and skulks home to nurse his wounds. Baja (groan) takes a shine to Jake and the inevitable showdown is just around the corner.
Before the requisite fight can occur however, Jake is taken by his goofy new bud Evan Peters (a mildly amusing Max Cooperman) to a local gym (how convienent) run by intense martial arts master (there's one in every town) Jean Roqua (a sweaty and paycheck grabbing Djimon Hounsou). There, with slo-mo sequences and stirring emo songs on the soundtrack, Jake is made a better person and a lean mean butt-kicking machine. Never back down, Jake, never back down!
Unfortunately, our young Jake decides to not participate in the big tournament at the local rave club where every year amateur warriors throw down. He will not use his kung-fu for evil. However, after bad boy Ryan beats the Ritalin out of nerdy BFF Evan and puts him in the hospital, Jake goes all Rocky and heads into the fray with a weepy Baja (groan) in tow. You'll never guess what transpires.
The paint by numbers script is written by a certain monkey named Chris Hauty who is quite well versed with "dog" movies as he previously penned "Homeward Bound II-Lost In San Francisco".
The directing honors go to robot Jeff Wadlow who gave the world the equally hackneyed teen slasher "Cry Wolf".
FINAL VERDICT:
NO BANANAS
IRRESPONSIBLE GARBAGE. CLICHED TRIPE ON BURNT TOAST. AVOID!
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