NEVER BACK DOWN [2008]

     I suspect that sometime in the near future the old adage- "Give a monkey a typewriter and...." will actually happen.  Studio executives tired of dealing with the diva whims of writers and directors will find a group of trained chimps and force them to crank out a film.  I also suspect that the resulting film will show more imagination than the 110 minute waste of your life that is "Never Back Down".  Originally titled "Get Some", I guess the producers thought that was too trite so the much more original "Never Back Down" was chosen instead.  This being the best title they could settle on should be the first clue as to the money grubbing generic trash level this film is willing to sink to sucker the public.  It's as if the old cartoon character Wile E. Coyote pulled an "ACME Underdog Movie" out of a box and threw it in the multiplexes.

Hastily thrown together to cash in on the current soaring popularity of Ultimate Fighting and Mixed Martial Arts spectacles, "Never Back Down" is not only witless and formulaic but inherently reckless and dangerous for its target teen audience.  Emphasizing brawn over brain it glorifies violence and panders to the worst primal impulses of testosterone filled teens with not even a whit of a moral lesson.
Peppered with a cast of bland pretty boys and girls culled from TV soapers such as "The O.C." and "Hidden Palms", "Never Back Down" spins the tired tale of troubled teen Jake Tyler (Tom Cruise impersonator Sean Faris) who relocates to a high school in Orlando where seemingly everyone has perfect teeth and lives in mansions.  On his very first day he stumbles on an underground fight club led by cocky stud Ryan McCarthy (smirky Cam Gigandet) who surprisingly has not a single scar or bruise on his perfect face and body.  Catching the eye of blonde babydoll Baja Miller (a stupefyinly wooden Amber Heard) who happens to be Ryan's girlfriend, Jake is lured into a bare knuckle fight with Ryan to test his mettle.  Of course he is beaten silly by the superior skilled Ryan and skulks home to nurse his wounds.  Baja (groan) takes a shine to Jake and the inevitable showdown is just around the corner.
Before the requisite fight can occur however, Jake is taken by his goofy new bud Evan Peters (a mildly amusing Max Cooperman) to a local gym (how convienent) run by intense martial arts master (there's one in every town) Jean Roqua (a sweaty and paycheck grabbing Djimon Hounsou).  There, with slo-mo sequences and stirring emo songs on the soundtrack, Jake is made a better person and a lean mean butt-kicking machine.  Never back down, Jake, never back down!
Unfortunately, our young Jake decides to not participate in the big tournament at the local rave club where every year amateur warriors throw down.  He will not use his kung-fu for evil.  However, after bad boy Ryan beats the Ritalin out of nerdy BFF Evan and puts him in the hospital, Jake goes all Rocky and heads into the fray with a weepy Baja (groan) in tow.  You'll never guess what transpires.
The paint by numbers script is written by a certain monkey named Chris Hauty who is quite well versed with "dog" movies as he previously penned "Homeward Bound II-Lost In San Francisco".
The directing honors go to robot Jeff Wadlow who gave the world the equally hackneyed teen slasher "Cry Wolf".

The real criminals behind this "SaveTheLastKarateKidToStepUpAndStompTheYard" atrocity are the producers who bankrolled this slop with no regard for the consequences.  You have only to search "fights" on YouTube to see young people maiming and pummeling each other for "entertainment".  True Ultimate Fighters and Mixed Martial Arts practioners are highly trained and battle in controlled circumstances.  Thus aside from "Never Back Down" being a truly bad film it's a blatanly irresponsible impetus for impressionable youths to severely injure each other.  To make such a cash craving threat to public safety is inexcusable.

FINAL VERDICT:

NO BANANAS
IRRESPONSIBLE GARBAGE.  CLICHED TRIPE ON BURNT TOAST.  AVOID!

                                        

MY BEST FRIEND [2006]

No matter how humble we purport to be, we secretly would like to think that upon our death many friends would attend our funeral, bemoaning our passing and extolling our virtues.  Musing aloud at a dinner party about the exact number of pals that would come to honor his trip to the pearly gates, smug antiques dealer Francois is swiftly informed by his gathered "friends" that the number would be exactly zero.  He soon realizes that this is no joke, in fact the group truthfully admits that they are simply "business contacts" and by no means real "friends" and in reality can't stand him.  Even his long-time business partner Catherine has to confess he's really not a likeable person and chides him about having even one best friend.  His ego bruised,  an outraged Francois bets Catherine a very expensive piece of ancient art that in ten days he will produce this  "best friend" to prove to all he isn't friendless.  Thus the stage is set for the witty and delightful  French comedy Mon Meilleur Ami (My Best Friend).

Francois (the great Daniel Auteuil in a wonderfully stuffy performance) has spent the better part of his life putting business ahead of intimacy, to the detriment of even his relationship with his own wife and daughter.  They accept him but can't feel close to him.  He is self-centered and oblivious to his basic repugnance.  He's clueless and in need of some serious counsel on his sobering quest for a best bud.

Meanwhile Bruno (a scene stealing Danny Boon) an eternally cheerful taxi-driver is having some friend issues of his own.  Big-eared and big-hearted Bruno dreams of being on Who Wants To Be Millionaire and is a walking encyclopedia of facts that would put even Jeopardy wunderkind Ken Jennings to shame.  The trouble is when actually auditioning for quiz shows he suffers overwhelming panic attacks.  So he whiles away the hours annoying his passengers with endless fountains of trivia.  It's his awkward way of being sociable, but it tends to make people want to get as far away from him as possible.

Through chance Bruno and Francois come together.  Francois mistakenly sees Bruno as the "sociable" person he needs to be and hires him as a teacher.  Surely the easy going, fast talking Bruno is the perfect business acquisition to  help him win his bet.  Bruno desperate for attention sees Francois as a chance to have a true best friend.  Of course the arrangement doesn't go exactly as planned and the dynamic between Bruno and Francois is the source of much hilarity.

Deftly directed by Patrice Leconte, who has been quietly turning out understated little masterpieces for over thirty years from Monsieur Hire to the more recent Man On The Train and Intimate Strangers,  My Best Friend is heartwarming without being cloying.  And in the teaming of Boon and Auteuil, previously seen together in The Valet, Leconte has found the perfect team for his subtle humane brand of humor.  In fact their easy chemistry together has not been seen in French cinema since the iconic teaming of Gerard Depardieu and Patrick Dewaere in such classics as Going Places and Get Out Your Handkerchiefs.

In a year where "buddy" movies were defined by slapstick action (Rush Hour 3) and highly offensive premises (I Now Prounounce You Chuck And Larry)  it was refreshing to see a film that honestly examined the meaning of true friendship without resorting to big-budget pathos.  My Best Friend is at turns comforting and confounding, amusing and unpredictable, a film you truly enjoy spending time with...in fact the exact things you look for in a best friend.

                                                   RATING:   3 1/2 BANANAS

MOLIERE [2007]

It's 1658 and the great French playwright Moliere is returning to Paris for the first time in thirteen years.  Having been given a theatre by the King he is finally getting the respect he deserves after struggling in the Provinces with his ragtag troupe of actors for well over a decade.  Known for comedy, Moliere is fretful and wishing to be taken seriously decides to stage a tragedy for his triumphant homecoming.  The Royal Court begs to differ, however, and Moliere must capitulate to give the people what they want.  When he is summoned to the deathbed of someone from his past the inspiration is put in place, and Moliere takes quill in hand and sets about writing his newest masterpiece.  Flashing back to thirteen years earlier when life wasn't exactly a bowl of croissants, and in one of historys great lterary mysteries Moliere seemingly dissappeared from the face of the earth for a few months......
A fanciful recreation of what may have happened is the basis for this charming  film from director Laurent Tirard.   In 1644 Jean-Baptiste Poquelin aka Moliere  delights in staging farces that poke fun at the powers that be.  The tax-collectors being a decidedly humorless lot, toss our dear penniless thespian in debtors prison for not the first time.  It is there that a mysterious benefactor known as M. Jourdain offers to pay Moliere's debts in return for his services.  It seems the married Jourdain is quite enamored of a certain sassy courtesan named Celimene whose many suitors vainly curry for her favor.   He needs help with his acting skills in order to perform a play that he has written for her in hopes that she will be flattered and amused enough to become his mistress.  The catch is Moliere will have to coach him on the down-low and Jourdain has hit upon the idea of presenting him as a priest so he can enter the household without arousing suspicion.  Jourdain, a hapless buffon, has many teachers in the household.  He valiantly tries to excel at art, music, and fencing but is lousy at everything.  Moliere, after a few comic attempts at escape, decides to dedicate himself to the task at hand, especiallly after getting an ooh-la-la eyeful of Madame Jourdain.  To divulge more would ruin the twists and turns this wily and witty film takes.  Suffice it to say, you'll be tittering into your puffy sleeves and smiling behind your fans.

Far from a serious take on the great satirist's life, Moliere is a highly entertaining comedy of errors in the Shakespeare In Love vein.  The cast seems wonderfully game and are all excellent in their roles.  Romain Duris (The Beat That My Heart Skipped) plays Moliere as a randy Jack Sparrow type and is suprisingly deft with his broad comic part.  M. Jourdain, as played by Fabrice Luchini, is equal parts despicable tyrant and sympathetic oaf.  Laura Morante gives an emotional depth to Madame Jourdain in a role that could easily haved collapsed  into caricature.  The always fetching Ludivine Sagnier (Swimming Pool) gives the much sought after Celimene the right mixture of tease and meaness.  Rounding out the ensemble is Edouard Baer as Dorante, the slimy undermining best friend to Jourdain in a masterfully sleazy performance.  Add the breathtaking scenery and sumptuous costumes and you have the perfect end of summer diversion.
Already a surprise hit at film festivals, expect Moliere to get a best foreign film nomination at the Academy Awards, and deservingly so.  Romantic and smartly scripted, Moliere would surely approve of Moliere.  The film ultimately sums up his quote "Reason is not what decides love".

                                           RATING:  3 1/2 BANANAS

JIMMY CARTER MAN FROM PLAINS [2007]

There was an awful book of verse published a few years back by American poet-nauseate James Kavanaugh entitled "There are Men Too Gentle To Walk Among Wolves".  I couldn't help recalling that overheated statement as I watched the documentary "Jimmy Carter Man From Plains".  The documentary reinforced the feeling many who lived through his administration always suspected, Carter is a deeply concerned humanitarian, honest and driven, but as a President and "politician" he's a somewhat naive peanut-farmer swimming with the sharks.
Nearly thirty years after leaving office Carter has become a dedicated human rights activist, forsaking golf games and photo-ops to travel the world championing the downtrodden and rooting out abuse wherever he finds it.  Not content to rest on his laurels, he oversees the humantarian Carter Center which he founded, and still finds time to drive nails as a prominent figure with Habitat For Humanity.  His iron clad morals are admirable yet have made him a target of critics who charge that he can't see the forest for the trees.
His tendency to denigrate current U.S. policy while speaking in foreign lands has made him the Dixie Chick of ex-Presidents.  Reviled by conservative pundits and dismissed by the current administration as any sort of diplomat he is viewed as the near-sighted black sheep of history.
"Man From Plains" mainly focuses on a few months in the life of the Georgia homeboy as he faces what may well be his most controversial move yet.  Following Carter on a cross country author tour to promote his latest book, "Palestine:  Peace Not Apartheid",  he unleashes a can of political worms that has him labeled at best an idiot and at worst an Anti-Semite.  Aside from what some consider the questionable facts of the content, by using the emotionally charged term "apartheid" in the title he has heaped aggravation upon agitation.
The book ostensibly a history of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict zeroes in on the security wall Israel erected around the Palestinian territories.  Israel claims it was strictly for safety, but others including Carter feel that the wall which doesn't just skirt the perimeter but blatantly encroaches deep into Palestinian land is a purposeful toss of gasoline on an already volatile open flame.  Carter feels that it's a further degradation of rights inflicted on a long suffering people who often turn to shocking acts of violence to vent their frustration.  He likens it to someone coming in and taking away his beloved peanut patch.
It's this somewhat black and white view of the situation that has many screaming foul.  They feel that Carter is blaming Israel for the lack of peace and stubbornly ignoring the shades of grey in the problem.  A steady parade of happy suicide bombers tends to make some a wee bit touchy.  The sad fact that in the last election the Palestinian people voted the Hamas party to power, a group not exactly known for their Winston Churchill like statesmanship, only darkens the prospect for any lasting peace.
Throughout the documentary Carter sticks to his guns, defending his position and insisting that many critics have not only not read the book but totally misunderstand it's intent.  Plowing through the talk-show circuit and even meeting with a group of angry rabbis, Carter handles the rhetoric with a Zen-like calm.
Love him or hate him what emerges from this trip is a portrait of a man who is deeply devout and is genuinely moved by suffering.  When tears come from either Carter or his devoted wife Rosalyn, and they come often, it's not a publicity ploy but a heartfelt outpouring of emotion.
Directed by Jonathan Demme with a languid intensity mirroring it's subject, "Man From Plains" is at it's best when focusing on Carters soft-spoken convictions.  Equally comfortable with saint or tyrant, Carter always tried to see the humanity in everyone, whether tending orphans with Mother Teresa or tossing baseballs with Fidel Castro.  When touching on the Sadat-Begin peace talks we truly feel the agony and frustration Carter endured in those days that finally resulted in the historical agreement that will become his true legacy as a President.

  Perhaps the most telling moment in "Man From Plains" however comes when Carter is asked about his handling of the infamous Iranian hostage crisis.  He flatly states that he could have destroyed Iran.  He felt that killing twenty or thirty thousand Iranians with the end result being dead hostages, that force would accomplish nothing.  In an age where saber rattling and gunboat diplomacy seemingly rule the day, it's refreshing and somewhat disheartening to re-visit a time when there was still room for reason and hope in an elusive little technique called "talk".

                                            RATING:  3 BANANAS

KENNY [2007]

One of the funniest movies you might happen to see  also really "stinks."  It could also very well be the "Citizen Kane" of portable toilet movies.  Released in Australia in 2006 this little gem is just now circulating in the States and is a not to be missed chuckle a minute small miracle.
Dubbed  "A Knight In Shining Overalls", Kenny is a hero in a world gone to err..poo. Reminiscent of the best of the Christopher Guest mockumentaries like "Best In Show" or "Waiting For Guffman", "Kenny" plays its hand close to the vest, rarely winning the pot (no pun intended) by broad humor but instead bluffing its way through with a relative straight face.  The hilarity organically generated from the earnestness of the main character Kenny Smyth, a wonderfully subtle comedic turn by co-writer Shane Jacobson.  Kenny is the head (no pun intended) multi-tasker for the "Splashdown" company that specializes in the port-a-john delivery business.  No event is too big or small for Kenny to ensure the right amount of "relief" stations are delivered and maintained.  He takes his job very seriously and is so detail oriented that for example he asks each and every customer if any curries or spicy equivalents are being served so as to have extra "facilities" on hand if needed.  Dealing with lazy co-workers, complaining clients, and portapotty vandals are simply all in a days work for Kenny that he wipes away (no pun intended) effortlessly.  A bit harder to deal with however, is his insulting grumpy Father (real-life dad Ronald Jacobson), an unruly son (real-life son Jesse Jacobson), and a surly ex-wife who harangues Kenny constantly.  He is still a bit regretful about losing his wife  "but when you spend more time with other peoples poo than you do with your missus, there's bound to be a penalty", he philosophically states.  The truly unique thing about Kenny is that he is a man with an almost zen like acceptance of his lot in life.  While others around him view him with pity, disgust, or disdain, he calmly lives his life with "no worries".  Kenny is simple but not stupid,  and seems genuinely satisfied  not just settling for less.   When he gets a chance to attend a "plumbing and cleaning" convention in Nashville, Tennessee, his wonderment is infectious.
Don't worry , even though "Kenny" does have its charming and touching moments it is first and foremost a riotous laugh fest, peppered with crude humor and smartly sly dialogue.
Directed and co-written by Shane "kenny" Jacobson's brother Clayton, it's a family affair of spot on comic timing and quotable lines.  In fact it was such a hit down under that it spawned a TV sit-com  in Australia...which I have a sneaky feeling America will ruin eventually with it's own take starring someone irritating like Dane Cook.

  So if your feeling a bit constipated with recent US comedies I urge you to relieve yourself by seeing "Kenny" it's a masterfully funny comedy colonic.

                                                 RATING:  3 1/2 BANANAS

I'VE LOVED YOU SO LONG [2008]

The late critic Pauline Kael, influential and irascible, once remarked on a film that "This movie is a toupee made up to look like honest baldness."  This toupee from France, "I've Loved You So Long"  aspires to be high art.  It's deadly serious and wrestles with it's heady themes unapologetically.  Unfortunately the results feel contrived and soft boiled.  It wants to jerk a tear and pluck a heartstring, but in order to successfully achieve this goal the viewer must care about the players.  There's no lack of soulful looks and revelatory chats, but the stale air of despair hangs heavy around the hollow characters and the film sinks accordingly.  By the time the anticlimatic redemption arrives it's trite and obvious and the movie has already drowned.
An enormous critical success and huge box office hit in France, the appeal of "I've Loved You So Long" is inexplicable to me.  Maybe something was lost in the translation.  The film plods along at a stupefying pace that numbs any feeling when feeble family secrets are revealed.
Juliette, a mopey Kristen Scott Thomas sans make-up, has just been released from prison after serving 15 years for a crime that's the 500 pound gorilla in the room throughout the film.  She is met by her younger sister Lea, a terminally cheery Elsa Zylberstein, who unexpectedly takes her in to her home even though she's made no effort to visit or write to Juliette for the past 15 years.  There she meets Lea's dour and pompous husband and their two adopted Vietnamese children.  There's also Grandpapa who after suffering a stroke is a bit kooky and unable to speak.  Lea, who longs to reconnect with Juliette can only indulge in mindless chatter avoiding any discussion of "the crime".  Juliette, meanwhile, frowns and rarely talks inadvertingly becoming a conduit through which the other characters can speak freely.  One of the few lively scenes occurs when Lea throws a dinner party and a particularly obnoxious guest won't quit pestering Juliette about where she's been hiding, she shockingly blurts out her horrible crime which gives everyone a grand laugh at what a sharp wit Juliette posesses.  The only one who sees that she is telling the truth is a professor  who used to teach classes at a prison and befriends her.
As the film progresses Juliette is seemingly the only truly "free" person, even though she doesn't realize it.  Everyone around her is imprisoned in one way or another and longs to escape.
Lea dotes on Juliette to escape her guilt at abandoning her.  Juliette's parole officer longs to escape his depressing job and selfishly talks to Juliette incessantly about his sailing dreams.  Even Grandpa rarely leaves his library, escaping into his books.  Juliette is a blank slate under a dark cloud and when the cloud finally bursts it's surprisingly boring rather than heart rending.
What could have been a riveting drama dealing with familial and maternal responsibility among other themes, instead reeks of over ripe melodrama.  One problem is first time director Philippe Claudel, an acclaimed novelist in France who seems to have trouble making the transition from page to screen.  The direction is claustrophobic and static.  There are a few sparks that show he has potential and I will look forward to his next effort.
"I've Loved You So Long"  is not a bad film and I feel sure that it will garner some Oscar nominations, Kristen Scott Thomas is a sure bet for a best actress nom.
The shame of "I've Loved You So Long" is that it could have been a warmblooded moving film, but regretfully only ice water is running through it's veins.

                                                   RATING:  2 1/2 BANANAS

I SERVED THE KING OF ENGLAND [2008]

"I Served The King Of England" is at once a semi-fantastical encapsulation of Czech history and a Chaplinesque fable of a hapless anti-hero swept along by fate and selfishly adapting to the whims of power and wealth.
Directed and written by Jiri' Menzel [CLOSELY WATCHED TRAINS] and based on a book by famous Czech novelist Bohumil Hrabal, "I Served The King Of England" is an award winning minor masterpiece that harkens back to some of the true foreign classics of Seventies European and East-European cinema.  Reminiscent of Wertmuller's Seven Beauties, it's at turns comedic and bittersweet in its portrayal of war, romance, and a life about survival.
The film begins with an older Jan Dite (Oldrich Kaiser) being released from a fifteen year stint in prison.  As he settles in an abandoned German pub in the wilderness of the Czech Republic, Jan Dite begins to narrate his life and the film becomes a series of riveting flashbacks.
Young Jan (a deftly funny Ivan Barnev) is obsessed with being a millionaire.  Starting out as a lowly railway frankfurter salesman, Jan is an ambitious moneymaker and also a keen observer of human behavior.  Through chance meetings and self-centered manipulations he lands a series of jobs at posh hotels where he excels at servitude and lusts for the lifestyle of those he waits on.
As much a slave to his loins as he is to his wallet, young Jan has a series of romantic encounters that he approaches with the same ardor as his work.  
The film takes a darker turn as Germany's takeover of Czechoslovakia begins.  Jan, seemingly oblivious, takes it all in stride.  He even falls for a young German teacher Liza ( a remarkable Julia Jentsch) who becomes a true-blue Nazi. This does not dampen his love for her at all, and being blonde haired and blue-eyed he is even allowed to marry her, though he is doomed to remain a Bohemian outsider.
As Liza goes off to war, Jan, in one of the film's many black humored moments, is put in charge of serving a bevy of frolicking Aryan beauties waiting to be impregnated by brave soldiers of the Third Reich.  The opulent hotel he was once a waiter in is now an idyllic breeding facility for the master race.
The many adventures of Jan Dite makes  for enthralling viewing.  How he finally becomes a millionaire and loses it all, his daliances with various ladies, and his dogged self centeredness form the bulk of this wonderful film.  Jan Dite is basically a cipher through which we witness the breathtaking glamour of old Prague, the creeping rise and eventual fall of Hitler's dream, and the eventual advent of communism.
A comical, satirical, sometimes disturbing rumination on love, power, and self, "I Served The King Of England" is a personal epic of self-discovery through overwhelming events.  As Old Jan states "my happiness was always in the fact that some unhappiness overtook me."

Beautifully filmed with images that will linger long in the memory, "I Served The King Of England" is that rare bit of pure cinema that transports the viewer to another world, a world of pleasure and pain, a world that you don't want to leave once the lights come up.

                                                      RATING:  4 BANANAS